I once had a friend say, “Misha, never settle.” Whether in relationships or in life in general, I have always taken his words to heart.
But now, I find myself wondering. At almost 33, unemployed and in debt, with only an education and some good experience to show for it, I wonder if it wouldn’t be better for me to take the easy road.
If this last year has taught me one thing, its that I am definitely ready for some stability. So much so, that I might give up lofty dreams and perhaps even ideals for it. Its been tough being homeless (even tho my family has totally been there for me), and not having the freedom of an income. I never appreciated it so much, and for some independence, I’m willing to give up more than I was before.
I’ve had to significantly re-adjust my expectations during this time, going from expecting a 6-figure plus salary and bein’ a success in my own eyes to just wanting to make enough to get a place of my own. Pretty serious change, eh?
Going through a psychological readjustment of such a degree has to have some form of adverse affect on one. So why am I not feeling the pressure that much? Is it my not caring syndrome that is letting me live with myself?
But there has been an adverse effect. I think for me, that has become the need for stability in one facet of my life, whether my career, my relationship (or lack thereof), or my psyche. I seem to think (and perhaps rightly so) that if I can find one of those, the others will follow.
I have always seen myself as a risk-taker, and in some ways its one of my greatest strengths — to try, fail, and then go on as if nothing has happened. I am somewhat scared of losing that at this moment. That the instability in my own life created by this recession and my subsequent unemployment has made me more risk-averse, and willing to well…
Ouch that kinda hurts.
I still can’t let go of the dreams of world domination. I just want too much still from this life.
But how little a thing can change that forever? Perhaps my new nephew already has.