The Sapient Ape

Life as an employed MBA grad during an economic recovery. DISCLAIMER: Everything written here is fiction.

The Unnerving Search for a Roommate

Ahh roommates.


It’s scary looking for a roommate.  No one wants to be in an uncomfortable living situation for what could turn out to be a 12 month-long torture session.  Back in the days when I was a successful professional in the Big Apple, I used to live alone… and I loved it!  I often swore to myself that I’d never go back to living with people.  Privacy is paramount in a city like NYC, where space is a very, very precious commodity, and one’s living room is usually the neighborhood bar.

Then came grad school… and living with roommates again.  My first year experience was interesting.  Although I like my former roommates  a lot, I must say I won’t be living with them again and vice-versa.  I mean I’m kinda prone to being really loud and obnoxious in the middle of the night when I get wasted and come home.  I would say that’s one of my worst  traits as  a potential roommate.

But on the flip side, I’m very caring, and I can cook real good!  And I love to do it.  I am good to talk to and often give advice which isn’t wanted, and if I do get mad, its never for longer than like 4 hours or something.  However my roommates didn’t really want advice, or any social interaction whatsoever, and most of our time was spent in our rooms — I mean I know I have a high sex drive, but what were THEY doing?!?!

Second year, I found roommates more my speed — one of them slept like a rock, so I could scream as loud as I wanted and he’d be like, “What?  I didn’t hear anything last night.”  And my other roommate heard, but just giggled insanely.  And then woke me up at 2am on other nights to do shots.  Which I did without any complaint.  Living with them only strengthened our relationship, which is the way it should be.

That was a great living experience, and I’ve had some other great roommate living experiences, such as in China with Helen, and back in undergrad with Mike G., Amaury, Gabs, and Felix (although great is a relative term there, as I’m surprised I made it out of my undergrad experience with only a broken nose and bruised brain).  But always I knew the people beforehand, or someone I trusted wholly had spoken for them.

So here I am again, waiting for my next roommate experience.  I don’t think I can afford a place on my own right now, with DC rent being what it is.  Its surprisingly expensive, and unlike NYC, not being downtown really kills your access to the social scene.  I want someone like me — outgoing, social, but with a sense of responsibility and professionalism.  Hahaha.  OK just outgoing and social!

So I’m doing the worst possible thing for roommate searching — muthafuckin Craigslist!!!!  CL can be a scary place to search for living beings in.  Inanimate objects I’m OK with — you can always throw ’em in the trash.  But you’re stuck with a roommate.  No turning back once they show up in your room at 3 in the morn and shove their hairy…

Well you get the picture.

So anyone got any tips for roommates?  Someone should make a website for potential roommates to meet and hang out with each other and stuff.  Now there’s a business idea.  Someone develop a business plan, let’s do this.

So again — tips for finding roomies?  Success stories?


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